Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
