is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
