So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
