Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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