Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
