dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize