that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I am one with the molecules
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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