Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
