Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
