and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
