i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
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