i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
