I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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