Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
