don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
