For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
