You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
