I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
