Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
