I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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