Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
