btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
