i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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