ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
