He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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