You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
