Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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