last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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