Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
