He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
