If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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