yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Randomize