I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
accomplished twins. life is a go
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Never underestimate the power of titties
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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