in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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