Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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