I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
