alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Randomize
