using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
