and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
