how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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