it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
