Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
