You made me cry and you don't even care
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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