i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
