Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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