Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
