Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
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