We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
