If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
