I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Randomize
