I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
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