you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
whose ass print is on the piano?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
