listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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