Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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