I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
