i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
