new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I did not marry a roomba.
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