four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
