Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
