well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
