why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
