I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You took a bar mat shot.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
