yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
