oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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