I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
