I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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