You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
