I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
