I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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